How do we forgive someone for infidelity, and the unfaithfulness that has been shown? Do we ever fully gain that trust back? What does that process even look like?

These are all important questions. And these questions, I don’t have an answer to. Instead, I just mull over them. One version of myself says yes, you can absolutely forgive someone, and it just takes time to build that trust back up. The other version of myself says no, you can’t. How can you ever? You will always be wondering.

It’s like two people are arguing in my head. Both are from my heart. Does that ever go away? Can you even reconcile these things? I genuinely have no idea. Would someone who loves me do this to me? Would my person do this to me? I don’t want to know the answer.

I think the hardest thing about unfaithfulness is understanding how much you love this person, how deeply that you love this person, and how badly you want them to change that and show up for you. I think the biggest thing is showing up for you. It’s the acknowledgement of yes, I did do this to you. And I swear I will never do it again. I will support you through this, I will talk you down, I will reassure you every single time you need that reassurance. I think that’s the difference maker. And it’s the thought that you never want to hurt this person like that ever again.

The biggest acts of love is acknowledging when to take a step back, think about things, and come back together in a new headspace and with a new perspective on the relationship. I mean, you love this person, don’t you? You can’t imagine your life without them, they mean so much to you, and you love them to the ends of the Earth and back. So why would you want to throw that away?

Love is uncommon, honestly. Finding someone you love so dearly does not always happen. Finding someone who understands you, and really gets you and knows what you’re like, what you like, and who you are, is something that rarely happens. So many people are in love with the feeling of love, but don’t take the time to really invest themselves in it.

But when you do find someone who does that, and wants to invest themself in the relationship and really wants to be better for themself, and for you, I don’t think that’s something that should be thrown away.

Sure, what if it doesn’t work out? But what if it does? What if, by doing these things for yourself and for them and for each other, this brings on an even grander love, and an even better relationship? I think that its worth trying for, even if it doesn’t work out. Then, you can say that you did everything you could, and it just wasn’t meant to be. But if you do not do this, you will spend the rest of your life wondering, what if?

I don’t ever want to spend my life with regrets, wondering what would’ve happened if I had just tried again, if I just tried to forgive this person and give it another go, because truly, what do I have to lose in this life? We only have this one, and nothing that is not for us belongs to us, so what is there to lose? And yes, it could crash and burn, but it could also bloom and flourish. How would you know unless you tried?

Love, in my opinion, is always worth the risk. You open yourself up to another person, and through love you are at your most vulnerable. You say, do to me what you will, I am here and I love you, and I know only that. So, I don’t know. I guess that’s where my brain is at.

I could end up never forgiving this person, and realize that this is something too hurtful, too painful, and something that has tainted the view of them forever. But I could also forgive, and I can relearn trust, and I can, at some point, not have to worry about it happening ever again.

It’s too easy to just shrug your shoulders and say, well, that’s just not going to happen. The harder decision is knowing that it did happen, and you’re willing to put yourself at risk because of how much you love this person. That pain is worth the risk, because the reward would be a greater love.

So, let me break it down for myself. You’re on this journey with me, so enjoy. The decision is risk versus reward. What are the pros and cons?

Well, the pros are: continuing to be able to love this person and be loved in return, learning each other, growing with this person, creating that achievable love that you talked about, being able to love the best versions of each other.

And the cons: getting your heart broken again, it not working out, potentially getting hurt in a new way, fear of it returning to how it was, not being able to trust this person.

When I weigh it out this way, I feel like it’s not a hard decision to make. Life is confusing, it’s hard, and you feel like you don’t even know yourself. But the thing that you do know, is that you love this person and you want them in your life. Why should I try to complicate that?

Alright, now let me get into the thoughts about space. Being able to love from a distance, and watch each other grow into being the best people we can be. While of course, it’s not everyone’s first option, but, again, I do feel like it’s worth it. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want to start over with anyone. So why not just love from a distance? Knowing that you’re loved, and expressing your love, but also allowing for the other person to become who they want to become, and you yourself becoming who you want to become.

We deserve only the best. And if there is that potential to get the best out of that person, faithfulness, compassion, and everything else that is necessary, then why not try?

I come back again to cheating. What do you do? I don’t know. I guess everyone has different opinions on it. But for me, if I feel the effort, if I’m reminded that I am loved and wanted, and that I’m worth changing for, I can begin to forgive. I want to cancel that debt, I want to not hang them on a hook.

I want restoration. I want something to bloom where it has wilted. I want that great love that I know that I deserve. And I want it to be this person to give it to me. I want this relationship to blossom, to regain that trust, I want to forgive. I truly do.

I also want to take that leap into the unknown. I know I could fall, and hit the ground hard. I know it has the chance of not working out. But I also know it’s worth the risk. When you love someone so deeply, I think that’s worth the risk. So, I fall into the unknown, and hope someone is there to fall with me. There is always the chance of flying.